How to stop comparisonitis holding you back in your pet business with Kate Hoyle

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Have you ever suffered from comparisonitis?

You might have found yourself looking at other pet businesses or in a similar space and thinking โ€˜oh my gosh they do so much more than me?โ€™

Fretting as you see them chat about their waiting list, client base, even their media wins, and spiral yourself into self-doubt?

Whilst itโ€™s healthy to be inspired by others, comparisonitis can have a huge impact on self-esteem.

Thatโ€™s why this week Iโ€™m talking to therapist Kate Hoyle.

She deals with lots of people who struggle with comparing themselves, we talk about what it is, how to spot it and simple steps you can follow to nip it in the bud and feel good about yourself!

You can listen in on the player link below or read the key points as a blog post.

Hi Kate, can you tell me a little bit about your background?

โ€œIโ€™m a clinical hypnotherapist, so I work in therapy but I use a type of hypnosis called Rapid Transformational Therapy which is all about going to the root cause.

โ€œYou canโ€™t solve anything unless you know where it comes from, when you have the understanding of this you can resolve and change whatโ€™s going on.

“Hypnosis helps put you in a great state to accept suggestions, we can find all the answers because your subconscious stores everything – and thatโ€™s what we work with, meaning itโ€™s really fast and effective.โ€

How do people use this in relation to their businesses?

โ€œI work with a wide range of people in all sorts of subjects, I particularly like working with business owners and people who are starting their careers.

“I work with them if they’re suffering from things like low self-esteem, confidence, imposter syndrome and things like that.

โ€œWhen we get rid of that they are free to go on and become really successful, which is really exciting! I work with men and women of all ages, and topics.โ€

Weโ€™re talking about comparisonitis, please can you define what it is?

โ€œItโ€™s thinking weโ€™re not as good as somebody else.

“Because weโ€™re tribal animals, we have a need to fit in and be accepted, so weโ€™re constantly assessing ourselves against others to figure out where we fit in the tribe.

โ€œOur primitive brain kicks in and we naturally compare ourselves negatively, which is our negativity bias, as a way of protecting ourselves against perceived dangers as part of our primitive make-up.

โ€œThe difference is this that for some people this will have a major impact on them, and for others, it wonโ€™t – and that comes down to self-esteem.โ€

We live in a world where this plays out on social media, so how can this impact us?

โ€œThe trouble with social media is that we only see the good bits of what people are doing, itโ€™s a snapshot of their life.

โ€œWe only post about the positive happy stuff or if weโ€™re really down and we want support, so itโ€™s not reality.

“But because weโ€™re surrounded by it itโ€™s become a โ€˜new realityโ€™ and itโ€™s hard to step away from it.

โ€œWe take all the happy content and see it as fact, comparing ourselves to it and itโ€™s absolutely not true.โ€

Itโ€™s hard isnโ€™t it though to not compare yourself when you are feeling low?

โ€œWhen we’re down we notice more and can easily sink into, โ€˜everyone else is successful. Whatโ€™s wrong with me?โ€™

โ€œWe have to bring ourselves back to reality, and realise โ€˜why are you looking at this other person?โ€™

โ€œYouโ€™re looking at them for inspiration and to find out what they did, but you donโ€™t want to be that person, youโ€™re your own person and you offer something different.

โ€œAnother really important thing is to look at how long they have been operating.

“People generally overestimate what they can achieve in a year, but underestimate what they can achieve in two so itโ€™s important to have perspective, and to keep going.”

So can we use comparisonitis in a positive way?

“Absolutely, if you see someone you compare yourself to, they can inspire you. You see whatโ€™s possible and you can reverse engineer it. You can look at what they did to get there and see how you can too.”

By trying to be like others, do we lose track of what makes us special?

“Weโ€™re not designed to be that person. You may want their success, but thereโ€™s no one else like you on the entire planet.

“Thatโ€™s what makes you special. No one else can offer what youโ€™re offering, especially with pet services. Itโ€™s not the service you offer, itโ€™s you.

“Your clients connect with you because they are the right person for you.”

Instead of thinking about what our competitors are doing, should we think about who we help?

“People will engage with you if youโ€™re offering something they want. Itโ€™s really powerful to remember that people will form an opinion of you the moment they hear your voice and see your picture and hear what you have to say.

“A person with low self-esteem will let it in and treat it as fact, but if you have good self-esteem, you can clearly see it as an opinion and not let it in.

“So go and do your thing! The only opinion that matters is the one we have of ourselves.”

If we start comparing ourselves and feel rubbish, what steps should we take?

“The first thing to do is to stop the spiral because a negative spiral only goes one way, which is down. We need to come to the moment when this is happening and bring ourselves to the present.

“Personally, I like to go for a walk and unplug. But it could be as simple as putting your focus on something in front of you, like a pen, a leaf, a chair – anything to focus on.

“Think about the colors of the objects, how it feels, is it hot or cold? Engage your senses. By really focusing and bringing our attention to something, it stops the spiral.

“Then we can use gratitude to bring positivity back to us. Start to list the wonderful things in your life and run them through your head; it could be your health, the people in your life that you love, the house you live in, absolutely anything.

“Then the third thing, if you canโ€™t get out of the mindset of ‘everyoneโ€™s better than me,’ is to look for the evidence. Become the judge and the jury.

“Ask yourself โ€˜is this really true?โ€™ or are you making assumptions? Look for the facts, the hard evidence.

“Then start to look at your wins, all the small achievements, because you can celebrate yourself no matter how tiny that win is.”

I love having a win folder for this!

“Itโ€™s absolutely fabulous because if you have the digital images or physical ones of positive feedback and the amazing things youโ€™ve achieved, itโ€™s going to be a great reminder that itโ€™s all going to be okay!”

To find out more about Kate, visit www.katehoylehypnotherapy.com.

If you enjoyed this post, you might like to read Why every pet business should have a win folder and Five things that can get in the way of being bold in your pet business.

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