Have you ever posted something on your website or on social media only to be met with catty remarks from your peers?
Maybe youโve shared some advice for the customers or community you serve only to be torn apart by a competitor.
Putting yourself out there, and putting your content out there, is brave.
We are vulnerable, because although we come from a place of trying to be helpful, there is that fear that someone will tear us down.
Iโve seen so much of this recently that in my coaching community we have a stock answer – Itโs not for you.
And while you might want to sugar coat it and perhaps be more polite, this is the key thing remember.
When our fellow professionals have a pop at our content, we need to stop and think โItโs not for you.โ
Instead, think of who the content is for, and move on.ย
I know this is easier said than done, and in this episode, Iโm going to share advice on how to deal with criticism.
You can listen in on the player link below or continue reading the key points as a blog post.
Who experiences criticism from peers
Well, pretty much everyone. When we put our head above the parapet we become a target for snipes and sneers.
When this happens it wakes up what my friend Rosie Gilderthorp describes as our Imposter Syndrome Imp.
You can listen to her podcast on Imposter Syndrome here.
The โImpโ leads us to believe the criticism, to think โWho am I to say this?โ โWho do I think I am?โ โIโm not an expertโ and โIโm about to be found out.โ
Of course, this isnโt true, but you would struggle to meet a single person who doesnโt have an โImpโ and who canโt relate.
Iโve experienced criticism myself, and my clients who are pet professionals can relate.
So whether youโre a pet sitter, dog walker, dog trainer, behaviourist, groomer, photographer, Canicross instructor, hydrotherapy pool owner, massage therapist, product maker, directory owner, you may have experienced it too.
Case study – Ali Smith
Ali Smith, founder of online puppy training website Rebarkable.com, says this: “My experience is often with my blog which is aimed at new puppy parents – aka – the greenest members of the canine community.ย
“This means I have to take a very easy tone, make things digestible and simplify as much as possible.ย
“Other trainers have given me quite a lot of feedback about the โlack of professionalismโ in my blog, because I do take such a casual tone when explaining things.
“They tell me that I, โdonโt present myself as an industry expert should,’ or that Iโm just plain wrong because our methodologies didnโt agree.ย
“It used to get to me, and I wondered about changing it up, even though I was seeing my ideal client approaching me more and more often, until I realised that the content was not for the trainers.ย
“That whilst theyโre my peers and colleagues (if only virtually) and great for ideas at times, theyโre not so well suited for feedback on my content…
“Then I began to respond with things like, โThanks for your input,โ because I find that most oftenย I have more business sense than these people.ย
“That simple statement makes them feel heard, and doesnโt allow them ways to re-engage and frustrate me further.”
Why people feel the need to lash out
Thereโs a saying that goes, โBlowing out someone elseโs candles doesnโt make yours burn any brighter.โ
While people might feel that putting others down makes them look more knowledgeable, most folk see through this.
My feeling is that people do this for a few reasons.
- They have too much time on their hands.
- They donโt create their own content and consume other peoplesโ.
- They wish they had the courage to put themselves out there and share their expert knowledge.
- Sometimes, theyโre just being mean.
So if someone is laying into you, bear this in mind.ย
Whatโs the impact?
When we feel like weโre being attacked or our expertise is being questioned, that weโre being called out online, we retreat.
Itโs likely if youโve experienced this, youโve put you, your knowledge and your expertise out there with good intentions.
Letโs say like Ali youโve written a guide to welcoming a new puppy. Your drive is to provide support to owners who might be feeling uncertain.
But if other dog trainers lay into you and question what youโve said, itโs natural to question yourself and want to hide away.
A few months ago I had an exchange with someone who took exception to me charging for Power Hours to write press releases and give other support around publicity.
At the time, I was promoting an offer but the experience made me question my pricing and what I should be charging. Was I ripping people off?
And even though I offer so much for free, from templates where I lay out exactly how to write a press release and explain this in a podcast, to pitching guides, to free challenges that has led to hundreds of people securing media coverage, I felt awful.
I stopped sharing the offer and retreated from being active online.
So the impact of being put down online can be the following:
- You feel like youโve been โfound out,โ and imposter syndrome takes over.ย
- You question yourself, your knowledge and experience.
- You feel anxious online so you hide from the internet.
- You donโt reach the pet owners who may need your help.
The final point is really important. If we take Aliโs example with the puppy blog. She has had loads of people tell her how useful her content has been.
Theyโve found it and sheโs given them the answers and solutions they were searching for.ย
What might have happened if they hadnโt? What if they turned to a trainer who wasnโt force free?
I know this might sound a bit dramatic but itโs like a sliding doors moment isnโt it?
Imposter syndrome doesnโt just impact on us, it can impact on the people who need our support too.
And โThe Impโ as Rosie calls it is with us no matter what stage weโre at.ย
Former journalist and digital marketing expertย Natasha Courtenay Smith is someone who I have looked up to for many years posted on LinkedIn about experiencing it.
She said: โIโve launched and scaled 3+ businesses. And every time I do, I think Iโm going to be โfound out’.
โThat my previous experience – and skills mean nothing. Imposter syndrome is real.
โAnd NO one is immune. But what I’ve realised is almost ALL of us feel this way.
โAnd so, feeling like an imposter for a moment doesn’t mean you’re an imposter in life.
โAgree?โ
What can we do?
Keep going. It is so hard and sometimes if youโre feeling bruised then itโs ok to take a bit of time out (as I did).
But come back to it, get back on the horse, because โItโs not for them.โ Itโs for the people who need your help.
One of my clients Kim OโDonnell from Leo, Charley and Me has an anxious dog Leo who was attacked twice by other dogs as a pup.
She has tried so many things to help him and sheโs now being supported by a brilliant dog trainer, Claire Lawrence from High Peak Dogs who has been on the podcast before.
Claire supports owners of barking, reactive dogs. She has such a lovely, warm way about her and Kim says she hangs on her every word.
Even though Claire think sheโs just doing what she does when she writes her books or puts her podcasts and social media out there, the knowledge she shares is life changing for people like Kim and her other clients.
Itโs hard, but try to be less self conscious and keep posting. Whatโs the worst that can happen? You can take it down.
You can stand up to people too. Angela Day from Born2Run is a canine massage therapist and had a peer post a catty remark when she shared some of her press coverage.
Angela replied and said: โDo I detect some professional jealousy?โ The other therapist left her alone.
Ali has felt bruised, but sheโs now got her staple response which is: โThank you for your feedback.โ
You could simply say: โItโs not for you, itโs for new puppy owners/barking dog owners/anxious cat owners,โ or whichever applies to you.
The criticism and nasty stuff we get online feels ten times louder than the positive comments and messages.
Be careful who you look up to
Do they share your values and big you up when you need it?ย
Do you feel like they have your best interests at heart?
Surround yourself with people who get what you do and will give you support, and will want to lift you up when you feel low.
Finally, my favourite thing is to keep a physical win folder and I suggest all my clients do the same.
Inside mine are thank you cards, print outs of e mails, social media messages and comments from people who have taken the time to be lovely.
Seek out those people and try not to let the negative Nellies drown out the good stuff.
Do you have any coping strategies for when people have a pop at you.ย
If youโd like support with your mindset and visibility and be part of a friendly community, come and join my Pets Get Visible membership where you can get started for just ยฃ30 a month.
ย Check out Is my Pets Get Visible membership right for you?
I would love to hear your suggestions. Let me know in the comments or on social media @rachelspenceruk on all platforms.
If you enjoyed this podcast, you might like to listen to How to create a positive mindset with Sarah Baxter or How to create content if you’re not a confident writer