Confidence is an area that comes up as a challenge with the pet business owners I work with over and over again.
When you’re running a business on your own, you’re already doing really brave things and taken the big risks.
Yet, so often, things will make us question ourselves.
I ran a workshop and a ‘confidence experiment’ in my membership to look at this, in particular asking people to ask themselves, ‘Why do I feel confident doing some things but not others?’
And more importantly, ‘What can I do about it?’
What came out of both was so interesting, and there was so much helpful and supportive advice shared, so I wanted to put together a podcast and blog.
If you’d like to listen, click the player link below, or you can read the key points covered in this blog post.
What confidence is – and it’s not what you think
When I ask people what confidence means, I get lots of different answers.
Some say it’s about not doubting yourself.
Others say it’s about being able to speak up.
Someone said it was about not worrying what people think and doing your thing anyway.
Confidence is different for everybody.
I used this definition as an example from James Smith in his book, How to be Confident.
He writes: “Confidence is not the absence of fear, it’s the willingness to take action in spite of it.”
So many of us feel like we need to feel confident before we do the thing.
But the thing about confidence is that often you have to do it when you’re feeling wobbly. You do it despite the wobble, and then the confidence comes.
The areas where you never doubt yourself
After looking at areas where people wanted to feel more confident, like video, approaching people to collaborate, selling and lots more, we looked at where they already had confidence.
I asked the question: ‘Where do you never question yourself? Where do you feel completely at ease?’
One person said she never questions herself when she’s with her dog.
She instinctively knows she’s doing the right thing as a dog mum.
Kerry Jordan, a dog photographer for pet brands, said when she picks up her camera, she knows exactly what she’s doing. She knows the light, the angles, the story she wants to tell, it all comes naturally.
Listen to Kerry on the podcast here.
Hayley Hilton, a canine massage therapist, said she never questions herself when she’s in a conversation with somebody who genuinely wants to know the answer.
She’s one of those people who just wants to help.
Listen to Hayley on the podcast here.
For me, it’s Sunnyside Cottage. If somebody asks me is it is dog-friendly, I know without doubt that it is.
It’s irrefutable, I can list out so much evidence to show it and and I have every confidence that it’s true.
So when you’re thinking about the areas where you want to feel more confident – doing videos, talking about your business, approaching collaborators – think about other things you feel totally confident in.
Compare the evidence on each – and I think you’ll see there’s irrefutable evidence for the thing you’d like to be more brave about too.
Why we struggle with confidence
When I asked people where their lack of confidence came from, it wasn’t about ability. They knew they could do the thing or that what they created was fit for purpose.
It usually came down to a few things.
We’re worried about what people think.
We’re scared of being found out. That imposter syndrome voice tells us we don’t deserve to be here, standing on this stage or doing this Zoom or approaching that other pet professional.
We’re afraid of failing or looking incompetent.
We’re scared of not knowing the answer. Especially when we’re doing something live, where we don’t have all our notes in front of us and we don’t know what’s going to come up.
And sometimes, we’re just tired, or hormonal, or we’ve had a bad day, or we haven’t slept well.
There’s an acronym called HALT – hungry, angry, lonely, tired – that I think we could expand and add in hormonal, hungry, angry, lonely, tired.
Because sometimes that’s just how we’re feeling, and it’s going to impact on our confidence so it might be an idea to consider doing the brave thing another day.
The recipe for feeling more confident
I asked, ‘If you were to put together a recipe for feeling more confident, what would be in it?’
For me, it’s a grotty green t-shirt from a run I did years ago.
Morgan said she likes a really good playlist and a high ponytail.
One lady talked about wearing decent knickers and new socks.
Another, Leanne, talked about putting on her brave pants.
Kerry, the photographer, reminds herself that if somebody doesn’t want to work with her, they’re probably not ready.
Hayley talked about a good night’s sleep, getting hair and makeup done, and putting nice clothes on.
What’s going to help you be in the right frame of mind?
Is it music, an outfit, knowing your stuff inside out, doing loads of research or letting yourself be a bit rubbish and not expecting perfection?
And think about why you’re doing it in the first place.
Because your work matters and people need to know about you and what you do.
How Heather did the scary thing anyway
Heather was struggling with video and public speaking, but last year was really difficult for her.
She experienced bereavement, moved house, and lost one of her beloved dogs, the kind of year where you can only focus on getting through the next hour.
Listen to Heather on the podcast.
Instead of waiting till she felt in the right headspace, or waiting till she felt good, or waiting for her hair to be done, she did something anyway.
On the days when she felt up to it, she’d turn the camera on her phone and talk into it for thirty seconds, making a cup of tea, making dinner, talking to one of her dogs.
Then she would watch it back, not to pick it apart, but to learn and improve.
She printed out pictures of people’s faces off the internet and stuck them onto a big piece of paper, like an audience, then set up with her notes, get all the information together, put the phone on a stand, and record herself talking about her thing.
And now she’s putting videos out on social media.
She didn’t wait to feel confident, didn’t wait for the grief to lift or the circumstances to be perfect, she just started doing the thing.
What acceptance and commitment theory has to do with your confidence
There’s something called ‘Acceptance and Commitment Theory.’
The idea is this: Your thoughts and feelings, the wobbles, the doubt – they are an appropriate response to how you’re feeling.
But you don’t have to let them stop you.
So if I’m thinking about doing a talk on stage like in the photo above at Janet Murray’s event in 2022, I know that I will feel nervous. I know my mouth will be dry and I’ll probably shake.
I know for the first five minutes I will find that really hard. But I also know that once I move through that, I will be okay.
You can feel nervous and do the video. You can feel uncertain and approach somebody anyway.
Often it’s because you’re thinking about the bigger picture. Why am I doing this? What’s the end goal here?
Start small, not with the big scary thing
Heather didn’t go straight onto YouTube live with her first video and hope it would be fine.
She started with little videos, making a cup of tea, talking to her dog, then she tried different things and eventually she got to where she is now.
Leanne, who runs Bark and Beau, started a business in November.
By March, she’d had press coverage, been on her first podcast, worked with loads of different companies, won Small Business Sunday, and approached people to collaborate.
She said she started by taking notes of the things she didn’t think she could do, and she went and did them anyway.
What felt really hard four months ago, she now takes in her stride.
Neither Heather or Leanne waited to feel confident. They were doing the thing and then the confidence followed.
Want to work on your confidence?
You don’t need to feel confident to do the brave thing, you can simply decide that it matters and do it anyway.
Think back about the things you’ve done that really scared you. What did you manage to do even though you didn’t feel ready, because you can do it again?
If you’re thinking about putting yourself out there more, if you want to do the scary thing but you’re not sure where to start, come and join me in the Pets Get Visible membership.
We’re doing more experiments like this – breaking down the things that get in the way of visibility and making them manageable for you.
You’ll get access to the workshops, the resources, the community, and most importantly, the reassurance that you’re not the only one feeling this way.
Be around other pet business owners who get it, who are doing brave things, who are cheering each other on.
Head here to find out more about the membership: www.rachelspencer.co.uk/pets-get-visible
Further reading and listening:
Is my Pets Get Visible membership right for you?
Should you buy my Pet Business Content Planner?
How to feel more confident as a writer with Rikki Sullivan
Why I am an accredited pet business coach
The rollercoaster of running your own business
The importance of looking back to see how far you’ve come
